Monday, 4 May 2015

Want to go for a run?

No. My answer is always no. I do like running (occasionally and for a very short distance). I do not like running with other people as I can be quite mean when I'm stopped from taking shortcuts. So I have no idea how my dad managed to rope me into completing a Tough Mudder, a 12 mile obstacle run, again.

For the first Tough Mudder, I actually trained for it. What I really mean by 'trained' is that I spent a lot of time crying as my friend shouted at me to squat. To my surprise, I ended up having a really fun time completing the run and I think that's why I ridiculously agreed to complete another one. I'd obviously gotten cocky and had convinced myself that I would continue to train, even though my friend would no longer be around to ensure I didn't just stay in bed watching Netflix and eating snacks.

Obviously, I did not continue to train without being forced to. However, I did do a last minute lunge on Friday night which clearly made up for everything. Luckily, my sister was also running this one and she hadn't been for a run since primary school.

Saturday morning came way too quickly. Before I knew it, my family and I were at the start line. For some reason, I was convinced that I had suddenly inherited Spider-Man's gifts and could just fling myself over the first obstacle. I definitely couldn't. In fact, I just ended up lying against a wall like a beached whale waiting for the rest of my family to give me a leg up. It wasn't the strongest start and it didn't really get much better. 

A few miles in, I was ready to feign a serious injury. The course was basically a mountain and I don't even like running up the stairs. After a mini breakdown, I pulled myself together and carried on. Although the eggs I had eaten for breakfast definitely weren't helping anything. 

Eventually, the running was broken up by another obstacle; 'Arctic Enema'. The Arctic Enema is an ice bath you have to slide into, which was fine. It wasn't fine when I thought you had to squeeze through the very small tyres that were blocking your way out of the ice bath. Needless to say, I must have looked very ridiculous trying to force my very large head through them. It was also very embarrassing when a man had to shout at me to swim underneath the tyres.

My day got particularly awkward when we reached 'Hero Carry'. You only have to carry someone for a short distance but somehow I ended up being partnered with quite a slender stranger. Nothing makes you regret regularly eating half a pot of Nutella quite like a good looking man throwing you over his shoulder. Hopefully, he found me shouting 'sorry, but I eat a lot of snacks' quite endearing. 

Although the most awkward part was to come a few miles later. I had a good run going but apparently I was lacking control over all of my limbs. My arm was freely swinging back just as a guy was running towards me. Somehow, I ended up accidentally cupping his genitals. Yes, I know I was a bit early for 'grab a genital' day but apparently that doesn't stop me. Don't worry, I did apologise. 

After a few more miles and several more obstacles, the run was finally over.

Despite how ridiculous it was, I'll probably end up doing another Tough Mudder because I'm a sucker for a bright headband and a free t-shirt. Although I should definitely work on keeping my hands to myself.